Dear Passenger 12B on SA Flt 2 from Singapore to San Francisco:
It’s not that I didn’t appreciate being woken up by your hand massaging my breast. It was a long flight, and I’m worried about DVT, so it was good that I woke and was able to walk up and down the cabin to get the blood flowing. In fact, it’s probably because of you that I didn’t get a blood clot in my femoral artery and wind up with a stroke. Plus, I kept having nightmares about being back in the hospital room with my dying grandmother- you know, the one I had just left in India a scant 7 hours before? So really, all things considered, I’m grateful.
However, there were other ways, Passenger 12B on SA flt 2 from Singapore to SF! Couldn’t you have just nudged me with your elbow? Or, better yet, couldn’t you have had your adorable wife, asleep in the window seat next to you, wake me and offer me her US weekly? After two weeks in India, I was dying for a celeb gossip update.
But I guess I can appreciate how you took the most direct path. Raising the armrest must have been easy, given that I was leaning as far from you into the aisle as humanly possible. And I can only imagine from there it was short work to take your hand and place it squarely onto my breast. I bet you didn’t realize I’d wake so quickly. What can I say– my “skeezy bastard” radar must have been going off from the moment you walked onto the plane.
Like I said, bygones. I do feel for your wife, but I imagine she’s put up with a lot worse. Oh, and I realize I may have broken your hand when I slammed the armrest down on it. Oopsie! That yelp you gave was pretty satisfying.
Anyway, thanks for waking me up. I got to watch a whole ‘nother movie while waiting for landing! And it had been a while since I had brimmed to the surface with righteous indignation, so that was sort of nice.
Good luck in your life. If your wife takes you to the cleaners during your divorce, I’m sure you’d make a good pimp. I hear there’s plenty of money in that these days!
xo
Passenger 12C
