Annoying/patronizing/insensitive/comedic substitutes for “I just don’t love you” or “I’m just not that into you” or “I’m totally crazy/a giant a-hole and am doing you a huge favor.” Please submit yours!
Here we go, in no particular order…
1) “I need to contemplate life.”
2) “I have stuff to work out.”
3) “I’m corresponding with a few women online and want to give those relationships their fair share of attention.”
4) “Life is a challenge. I’m sure you understand.”
5) “I hate myself for not loving you. Why are you so selfish? Think about it from my point of view!”
6) “I never saw myself with a red-haired girl.”
7) “Wait, were you taking this seriously?”
8 ) “I keep having dreams that I’m cheating on you.”
9) “I just couldn’t figure out how to explain this to my parents.”
and my favorite:
10) “I’m sort of…married. Don’t hang up!”
